I was going through Neil’s old blog today, just for laughs and it got me thinking. Here I am, reading his thoughts from five years ago, when his life was in such a different place. You could almost argue he was a different person. And yet, I find myself drawn to his cadence and his anecdotes, impressed with the things he likes and reads and watches. It’s kind of like falling in love with him all over again.
Despite being a so-so blogger, I am and always have been an avid journal writer. Every night before bed I recount the days events in the bound book I keep by my bedside table. You could argue blogging is an offshoot of journaling, but the tip-tapping of a keyboard doesn’t feel quite the same to me as when I scratch out some words on paper.
The things I write in my journal are fairly mundane. Feelings are noted, dramatics and outrage chronicled. I talk about work and people I’m with and friends and the things we did together. It’s an incredibly personal text and one I like to look back on. Sometimes I can’t even recall the things I have written. And even though I recognize the handwriting as my own, the words are as if they’re from a stranger. In other cases, it’s like no time has passed. Sometimes it’s only my situation that has changed. It’s proof that time is present and we as people are ever metamorphosing.
For example:
Today, 15 October 2013 (a Tuesday): I went to work (copyediting for eight hours). I was very tired all day because I woke up this morning in the middle of a dream (which is a horribly unpleasant sensation, it can ruin your day). It made concentrating difficult. I was still tired upon arrival home. Neil kindly made dinner. He is my hero.
15 October 2012 (a Monday): I bought tickets to go to London the previous day (with Neil). I go on for a bit about how much I like Neil and how it’s all very exciting. Also, I was incredibly anxious about something (probably about college assignments), and I could do nothing about it. I also noted “Don’t Forget to Wear Sunscreen. All life’s mysteries revealed.”
15 October 2011 (a Saturday): I’m in Taunton and complaining about the amount of homework I have: “Jane Austen. Yemen. Nonfiction. In that order.” I also noted that volunteering for the Boston Book Festival was fun – “Solid volunteering.”
My synthesis of above mentioned events tells me several things about myself. First of all I was a chronic worrier in college and while I still am, things have calmed down considerably now that I don’t have omnipresent deadlines in my life. And while college was fun times, things are lovely now, though in a completely different way.
Oh time. You are the purveyor of my life’s story. As you roll on I fill you up with all my life’s events and things that make up my time on Earth.
Whoosh. I feel weirdly nostalgic and introspective. Time to go on tumblr for some proper nonsense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5QgT3vgIOA
Man, I forgot how much I love that song/speech (see speech here). Thanks me from 2012!
Until next time! xx
alittlejstillz 
These words you right actually bring me back to where we all were, I miss the high school days, you worrying so much about deadlines and all the things you had going on in your life. I miss that and I loved every second of it all of it! I love you Jay never change!